I would have preferred a vacation that is more along the lines of “Cast Away” and the worse thing that happens is my friend Wilson (the ball) floats away.


No, it went more like this: I go on a cruise to get away for a bit, however my cruise is cut short when my boat, “The Poseidon” flips over because of a rogue wave. After climbing to the to the bottom of the ship, which is actually the top, but still technically the bottom because it is upside down; I escape the watery prison and am rescued by the largest boat I have ever seen, The “Titanic”.

As my nerves are calmed by my rescuers saying the ship is unsinkable I hear some rumbling about an Iceberg. I never saw one before and was so excited I ran to the edge and a man gave me a life jacket. I thought to myself, “He must remember I was one of the people they saved and wanted to provide extra reassurance.” So I casually strolled back to the suite this nice rich lady let me have a key to, so I could get some rest. My sleep was alarmingly disturbed by a man who was practically dragging me down the hall. That is when I noticed that THIS ship was sinking. Back into the water, freezing my ass off, a fishing vessel came by called the Andrea Gail.

“One problem”, the fishermen warned me, “we are heading into some bad weather, they’re calling it, ‘The Perfect Storm’”. Now I have not walked under ladders, seen a black cat, broken a mirror, or said “Mc Beth” in any theaters, so I will be fine. But once I was BACK in the water I re-evaluated my whole life. I decided to pray, “HEY, is it my time to go or what? Come on this is not funny! I was supposed be on one ship for 10 days and instead I have been on THREE, and in the water MOST of the time. So seriously, either have a shark eat me or send me a nice safe boat.” On the Horizon, a boat appeared.

The boat had two captains so I KNEW my prayer was answered. Well, until one of the crew men explained they were “Pirates of the Caribbean”, and the captains hated each other. I guess the boat was given to Captain Jack by some guy called Davy Jones, then his first mate, the now Captain Barbosa led a mutiny, stranded Jack on an Island, got cursed, got rid of the curse (oddly enough with the help of Capt. Jack), but then Captain Jack kills Capt. Barbosa and takes back his ship. I knew it was all lies but I listened out of boredom. Ummm…Where was I? Oh yes, Capt. Jack gets his ship back, almost gets eaten by cannibals, because he goes to the nearest Island after being told Davy Jones wanted to take him prisoner. Capt. Jack escapes the cannibals, and he and the crew go back to the open sea where, he and his boat get eaten by a squid. What an imagination these guys had, I was actually starting to have fun! Oh so this goddess brings Capt. Barbosa back
from the dead, and they sail to “World’s End”, pick up Capt. Jack and thus the reason for 2 captains. “Crazy Pirates!” I said too loud, and got tossed into the sea.

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid! I was so mad at myself but I heard some arguing. People! Yeah, must be another boat! I swam into the, “Open Water” and the couple was floating boat less. After 5 minutes I decided I would rather die then listen to them arguing, and I swam away.

As I was swimming a boat came by, and I asked to come aboard, but the man said, “No too dangerous I am hunting a great whale called ‘Moby Dick’. Then another boat, and when I begged them to come aboard they said, “Too dangerous, your better off in ‘The Deep Blue Sea’ we are trying to catch a genetically enhanced super shark”. Finally another boat came by, and I begged to come aboard but the captain said, “No too dangerous, we are hunting a shark named, ‘Jaws’.” “Is it genetically enhanced because I think someone is already looking for it”, I said cheerfully. The captain said, “No, its just a normal shark that likes to eat my family members.”

Yes, a shark with a grudge that hunts only people in one family sounds very normal! As I pondered the stupidity of it I saw a beach! I climbed ashore and fell asleep. I must have slept for days. When I finally woke up some men from Greece asked if I wanted to join them, they were looking for their friend. I said sure and asked them what their friend left the resort to see. They said, “ Oh just ‘The Ruins’”.

-I did not write the movies I played off of

-This is my original work, thoughts, written, created, and posted by Jen Kober who realizes the timeline and feasibility of this is outragiously impossible.

Thanks For reading!